One of my favorite all-time dishes is Cold Sesame Noodles. If you've never had these delectable Chinese rice noodles in a peanut butter based sauce, you're missing out. I've been making my own for almost 20 years from a recipe my sister found somewhere. At first I was making them at home using spaghetti, and it was delicious. Then, when I was a member in good standing with the low carb craze, I made them using carb free noodles made from konjac flour (don't ask, you think my paleo search for pasta was intense, you should have seen me looking for low carb pasta!). But once I went paleo, I kissed the recipe goodbye considering I couldn't have peanuts (not nuts, but actually legumes, and a no-no for cavemen) or noodles (usually made from grain, the good tasting ones anyway).
However, I've since discovered almond butter, which feels and tastes very much like peanut butter, only instead, it tastes like almonds (duh). Someone clued me into the Whole Foods brand, and the ingredients read: roasted organic almonds. Love those one ingredient labels!
And of course, if you're a regular reader, you know that I recently discovered zucchini (combined with my spirooli knock-off) as the perfect noodle replacement. If you're not a regular reader, we have a standing rule when you don't know what I'm talking about. Just search my blog, and LOOK IT UP YOURSELVES, YOU LAZY BASTARDS! Thank you. -Management
Okay, let's talk about the noodles first. The same spirooli cut zucchini I've used before, although the more I'm cooking with the zucchini, the more I realize it DOES need to be cooked more. The gentle steeping in whatever sauce I'm using just isn't cutting it anymore, the "noodles" are still TOO crunchy. I'll tell you, this zucchini is one tough monkey, it can really take a punchin' and keep on crunchin'! You can cook it a while and get it soft, and it'll STILL be al dente, with a definite CRUNCH. Plus, the more you cook it, the more it LOOKS like a noodle!
So this is what I did, and I actually recommend this for anytime you cook with zucchini noodles, otherwise known as fauxghetti (my friend Stacie's term), and recently dubbed, "Squashghetti" by my sister Sherilyn. I took some chicken broth (luckily I had some from the ramen soup I made yesterday), and just let the noodles cook in the broth, in a pot, for 10 minutes or so on low. Then I even left it in the broth as it cooled for a good 20 minutes or so after that (the heat was definitely still cooking those little noodle bastards), and when I tasted it, it was nice and loose, but still crunched when I bit into it. Next time I might test it by cooking the noodles even longer and try to get it softer still, we'll see, but for this experiment, I was happy with the final texture. Another reason I would simmer the zucchini in broth every time I use them is because zucchini doesn't have much flavor, so it absorbs the flavor of the broth, adding a new delicious wrinkle. I don't know if you've ever had pasta boiled in chicken broth, but it's delicious, and this follows the same principle. If you don't have broth, cook it down in whatever sauce you're using to add flavor!
I drained the noodles, saving the stock and putting it into the freezer for future use (see my blog on Hot Wings to see more about making stock from scratch). I put the soft (yet crunchy) noodles into the fridge to chill (after all this dish is called COLD Sesame Noodles), and tackled the sauce, using all paleo, organic ingredients.
Now, the original recipe called for garlic and ginger (both paleo-friendly, check), sesame oil (check), hot chili oil (I've got more heat than I know what to do with), 1/2 cup peanut butter (using almond butter instead, check), 3 tbs of sugar (honey is okay, check), 3 tbs of rice vinegar (using lime juice, check), top with julienned cucumbers and sliced scallions (check, and check). Oh, one more little ingredient I must have skipped over, 1/2 cup of soy sauce. Hmm, what's that? Soy sauce...?
Well, I'll be seeing you folks, this recipe just came to a screeching halt. Soy sauce is so non-paleo, it fails on multiple levels! First word, right there, soy, can't eat it. Soy is a bean, and so full of toxins, even "health food" restaurants and markets warn against eating too much of it. The soy lobby of America has convinced many people (like vegetarians), that soy (and other beans) is great for you, the best source of protein for those not eating meat! So the government subsidizes ton of soy farmers and the masses happily eat it in everything, along with some form of corn, another grain, and a caveman no-no (okay, enough ranting, go watch "Food, Inc" for yourselves).
The second reason you can't eat soy is it's fermented, which is non-paleo (although I'd love a drink right now). And thirdly, it is LOADED WITH SALT! Way too much salt for a family of five, let alone little old me. Nope, soy sauce is a near impossible re-creation for paleo cooking... UNTIL NOW!!!!
When I try to remember what soy sauce tastes like, I think it's got sort of a smokey flavor, and certainly salty. I was thinking what kind of paleo liquid might be smokey like soy sauce? Tea? Yeah, maybe, if it's strong enough. So I brewed two teabags of black organic tea in a cup of hot water (I used two to get it nice and strong), and also let a stalk of finely chopped celery steep in the tea (for the high natural salt content in celery) as it all cooled down to room temperature. Once cooled I tasted it to see what it needed. Hmm, good, not like soy sauce, but still, tasty, and it might work as a replacement, hidden in with other ingredients. It needs something else though, and unfortunately, I'm not a sophisticated enough cook to know what it is, so for now, it'll do. If you think of anything, let me know (must I do everything for you lazy bastards?).
I mixed all the ingredients together (even the scallions I was gonna put on top, but except for the noodles, and cucumber), and kept tasting to make sure it was right. Not bad, a little more vinegar, a smidgen of honey, a touch more almond butter, a drop more tea (you know that's how I roll, measuring cups are for the weak!). Okay, I'm liking this taste, this baby might just fly! Only one small adjustment, I'm gonna add one more finely chopped celery stalk for some more saltiness.
Once the zucchini noodles were cold, I took them out of the fridge and mixed them in the sauce, and tasted. A little bland, but damn, those soft noodles are still crunchy! It works in this dish though. In fact, the reason cucumber is added is to cool the spice down, and add some crunch, but it's crunchy enough between the zucchini and the celery, so I'm leaving the cucumber out for this trial run. Instead I'll throw some leftover red jalapeno on top, which is where I'll get my spice from too!
But it's still kind of, just okay. Bland, I guess, but it's something else. I think it's the lime juice we used to replace the vinegar. It's adding a tropical feel to the dish that isn't in the original Chinese recipe. But it is making it taste a little like Thai food. In fact, let me add some cilantro to it. Now I'll top it with the red jalapeno. Taste...
OMG, it's freakin' GREAT! No, it's not a cold sesame noodle replacement after all! It's actually a replacement for noodles in Thai Peanut Sauce! Like the Thai pasta I love at California Pizza Kitchen! Only I didn't use peanuts! It would be perfect for people with peanut allergies (which many have because peanuts are not supposed to be eaten by humans). AND, I used all organic ingredients, no toxins, chemicals, or pesticides, and NO SALT!!!! It's delicious! I just looked up a few Thai Peanut Sauce recipes on-line, and I pretty much nailed every one, except a lot called for coconut milk. I don't think it needs it, but maybe I'll try some next time. The cilantro makes all the difference, especially combined with the garlic and ginger, a perfect combo for Thai flavor. And the almond butter does not make you miss the peanut butter one bit! It's still nutty, rich and creamy! The tea adds some smokiness, but you can't really taste it, yet, maybe I do, because it's delicious, and I'm not missing the soy sauce at all! I think next time I'll either let the tea steep longer, or I'll add a third tea bag. Okay, that sounded dirty. Here, get your minds out of the gutter, you filthy bastards, and take a look at how it came out.
Could be a little darker in color and less soupy, so maybe next time add more almond butter and darken the tea, whatever gets the job done. The spirooli cuts the noodles really long too, so it's fun to eat as well as delicious! This sauce would go great on chicken too! Or in a salad dressing. I mean, it REALLY tastes like Thai Peanut Sauce! Maybe even crush some organic almonds and throw them on top for even more texture. Of course, the name "peanut sauce" doesn't really work, we need a new name. Thai Almond Butter Sauce? Thai "No-Peanut" Sauce? Needs work.
You see what happens when you experiment, you go looking for one thing, and you wind up finding something else wonderful (hence our title, Brainiacs)! In the meantime, this is just small breakthrough in the caveman re-creation of soy sauce. I'm going to experiment even more, and I'll start making more and more Asian dishes using that black gold (I know, my second Beverly Hillbillies reference, stop keeping track). Can Shrimp Lo Mein be far behind? Methinks not. I told you the spirooli changed everything! How many times would I have pasta (or noodles) during a week if it wasn't bad for me? Answer: practically every single friggin' day! I'm officially in my Pasta Period. Picasso had a Blue Period, where he worked very heavy in blue colors, and I'm going to work very heavy in pastas for while. Lasagna and rigatoni coming soon (rigatoni, are you mad?). But I've been craving fried chicken wings lately, so I might make those before the next pasta experiment. Plus, I always love a good burger, and I've also been craving egg salad. Hmm, all these choices on paleo. Who says dieting means deprivation? Whoops, sorry Christina (christinadoeslife.com), it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle! Ugga-Bugga!
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