Experiments in Snacking

Those of you who read the burger blog know that I was planning on trying to come up with a caveman replacement for french fries, everyone's favorite.  Last night I tried a recipe I found on-line for root veggie french fries.  I tried it with a turnip, the root veggie I feel tastes, and looks the most like a potato.  I just cut the turnip into french fry looking strips, and then lightly coated them in olive oil, and sprinkled on the Holy Trinity (black pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, amen).  Baked them in a 425 oven for 15 minutes, turning twice to avoid burning.  They came out looking and tasting good, but they weren't crispy.  They were like a bunch of soggy fries, which, let's face it, if served a plate of soggy fries in a diner, we'd complain, but being the fat bastards we are, we'd still eat the whole greasy plate.  Here, take a look at mine.  Don't let the purple skin of the turnip throw you.

This teaches me two things.  1) I have to get my friend Eva to photograph my food from now on, because she can make a shoe look appetizing.  And 2) I still need to find something to make them crispier.  I tried frying them a few months ago, and they came out even soggier, so at least I'm getting closer.  My friend Julie suggested I whisk up an egg white until it was bubbly, and them dip the slices in before baking, which will supposedly make them all crispy.  Well, I tried that today, with my buddy Brian as a guinea pig (yes, he's Italian, and he's a pig, but that's besides the point), but with rutabaga this time.  I thought they'd come out more like sweet potato fries, but all they became were hard slices, that wouldn't brown, with little bits of egg white clinging to them.  But being the fat bastards we are, we doused them in Caveman Ketchup and Mayo and ate the whole thing anyway.  Maybe if I coat them in a little arrowroot next time, they'll come out crispy (that's what I coat the onion rings in mostly, and they turn out great).  Anyway, I'm open to suggestions.

But one thing I did have some luck with was my Paleo PB&J (minus the P)!  A reader gave me a tip about Whole Foods brand Almond Butter, where the only ingredient is roasted organic almond.  So I mashed up some sweet strawberries and made a little snack.  Take a look:

Yummy!  Although almond butter on almond bread is a bit overkill.  But I can make that bread from any nut, I just happen to like the almond bread best because of the flavor.  Maybe I'll try it again one day with walnut bread.  Or maybe with pecan bread.  Or maybe you should just mind your own business and stop complaining Jeff, look how good that looks!  Okay, I'll stop, sorry.

Meanwhile, while shopping at Ralph's Grocery Store (like Key Food, or Waldbaum's for you Brooklynites) yesterday, I saw Amy Adams shopping (Oscar nominated actress from "Enchanted," "Doubt," "Julie & Julia").  When you live in LA, you get used to seeing celebs everywhere, especially in the grocery store.  She was in her workout clothes, no makeup and looked great!  Plus, she was shopping in the organic section!  A match made in produce!  I quickly scanned for a wedding ring, saw none, checked my reflection in a jar of tomatoes to see if my caveman hair was okay, and went over to talk to her.  My pick-up line was going to be something about me starting a food blog after seeing "Julie & Julia" (total bullshit) and then it would causally lead to me explaining the caveman diet, to her being fascinated by it, to me being witty and charming and inducing an oscar nominated laugh, and then her begging me to cook for her at my cave while I plan our marriage.  But that only happened in my head.  Because she was on the phone the whole time.  I pretended to shop in the produce section for way too long, but she was still talking.  I hate whoever invented the cell phone.  They should ban those in supermarkets, especially while I'm single.  I went on shopping, and every time I saw her in an isle, I pretended to shop down that row too, but she was still yappin' away (maybe she was the one pretending to avoid ME)!  Finally, after I had all my shopping done, I tried to track her down one more time, but she was headed to the seafood counter, still engrossed in her afternoon chat.  Was I really going to pretend to shop some more while she took god knows how long to order some farm raised salmon?  No.  I'm creepy, but not THAT creepy.  I paid for my groceries and went home, wondering if she got off the phone for the guy behind the seafood counter.  Not a very enchanting experience for me.  But she's the one that missed out on the home cooked organic meal, not me.  Well, if she ever gets off the phone, she knows where to find me.

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